On A Bridge
by Raphaelfanguy4real
Summary: Jay didn't know what was wrong with him, it was just so exhausting to be himself. On top of that, he didn't feel like he was worth much to the team or anyone else for that matter. Realizing he needs help, Jay tries to recover by himself. Cole finds him on a bridge, but not everything is how it seems. First Ninjago fic, bear with me! Rated for depression and the like. Jay-centric.


_**Okay okay okay, guys. I know I've really posted only TMNT or like… one Warriors fic once… and I promise TMNT is still my main fandom… but yeah. I like Ninjago too. I just like ninjas OKAY! Anyway, I recently found it in me to start watching Ninjago again (I'll explain the 'found it in me' part in a second) and started writing a couple fics for it. This one kinda just… appeared. And I finished it as a One-Shot. It's based between the tournament season and the ghost season, if that makes any sense to you guys, and it's Jay-Centric with some Cole in there and of course some Jaya but not much.**_

 _ **The idea of this fic was… painful. If you were reading my TMNT fanfiction Shall My Brother Be, you probably know I was going through some tough times but I never did say it outright that I had depression. Really severe depression… I missed posting dates and I stopped going to school for a term when I started up again part time because I still want to graduate in two years. I've been getting better, and this Fic was mostly about the struggle of overcoming it? There are some differences of course that I'll mention more after because I don't want to spoil, I just wanted you guys to kind of have an idea where this was coming from.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own any NINJAGO characters or the world (wish I did so much though!)**_

 _ **And now, enjoy!**_

* * *

"Has anyone seen Jay?" Cole asked, walking into the living room. Kai and Zane both shook their heads without looking from the television screen.

"Perhaps he is training with Lloyd," Zane said, glancing away just a moment before back at the game they were playing. Cole nodded, walking back out toward the deck. When he got there, however, Lloyd was practicing alone.

"Hm. Cole scowled, thinking back over the day. He'd seen Jay at breakfast, and at training, but after that, he'd seemed to simply disappear. Maybe he was on the bridge with Nya. Cole hurried now, slightly worried. When he got to the bridge, he was surprised to see Nya there. Alone.

"Have you seen Jay?" he asked, walking in. Nya looked up from the book she was reading, a small frown on her face as she shook her head.

"No, he went to his room after training," she said. "Is he not there?" Cole shook his head. He'd checked Jay's room, it was empty and the blue ninja's phone wasn't there.

"I looked everywhere." He finally sighed. "Jay isn't on the bounty." Nya stood up, frowning a bit.

"Well, maybe he told Sensei where he went," she suggested. "I'll go check again, just in case you missed something."

"Be my guest," Cole said, letting her pass. "I'll ask Sensei." Nya nodded and Cole went down to their master's room, knocking lightly.

"Come in, Cole." how did Sensei always know who it was? Cole thought dimly, walking in and bowing to his sensei. "What is the matter?"

"I'm looking for Jay," he said. "We were going to work on that new bike I got, the motorcycle his dad gave me, but I can't find him anywhere on the bounty."

"Ah," Sensei Wu said, nodding. "A few hours ago, Jay let me know he was going on a walk near Jamonacai village. You may want to check there."

"A walk?" Cole asked, frowning. Then he shrugged. "Alright, I'll go there then. Thank you sensei." Sensei just nodded as Cole left, meeting Nya in the hallway.

"You're right, he's not here," Nya said worriedly.

"Sensei says he's at Jamonacai village," Cole said, shrugging. "I'm going to look for him, he's probably just at the candy store or something and lost track of time," Nya smirked a bit, nodding. "See you in a while, tell the guys where I went so no one panics like I did."

"Haha, okay." Nya laughed, waving as Cole ran out onto the deck and formed his dragon. "Good luck!"

"Luck is for rookies," Cole replied as he took off. He could hear Nya laugh behind him, but he was more focused on Jay. Not only did he want help on that bike, but he'd noticed his friend acting strange lately. There had been less corny jokes and more witty ones that were actually funny, for one thing. And as if that weren't enough, Jay had been getting up before the gong every day. The blue ninja used to have slept as long as possible in the mornings, and Cole could remember many a time he had to wake him up again. Now, Jay wasn't sleeping so much. Cole hoped he wasn't sick.

Cole almost missed Jay. He had planned to stop at the candy store first but then decided riding the dragon into town would be chaotic so he stopped across the bridge from the village, planning to walk across the chasm that always made him nervous. When he was part way across though, he saw a familiar figure through the mist. The bridge swung slightly from his movements, but he saw that Jay wasn't moving. He stood gripping the rope rails of the bridge and staring over the side, down into the chasm. There was a strange expression on his face, and Cole felt his stomach twist worriedly.

No… no way. Jay was not… he couldn't be…

"Jay!" Cole called, forcing a smile. Jay shook his head in surprise, then looked over and grinned widely at him. Cole joined his best friend, warily looking over the side. "...what are you doing here?"

"Oh…" Jay looked downcast, biting his lip. Then he shrugged. "Not sure, actually. Kinda just ended up here." the smile was back soon, however. "Sorry I forgot to tell you where I went, today's been a little nuts for me." Cole frowned. He knew Jay was hiding something. What it was, he really hoped he was wrong about. Cole took a deep breath.

"Jay…" he glanced down into the chasm again. "You weren't… I mean, you aren't…" he took a deep breath. "You weren't going to jump off were you?" Jay's eyes widened and he stepped away from the edge, shaking his head quickly.

"No, no Cole you got it all wrong!" he said, almost laughing. Cole raised an eyebrow. "I wasn't… gosh, I didn't expect you to ask that man."

"You know you could tell me if something's wrong, right?" Cole asked with narrowed eyes. Jay bit his lip, then his shoulders sagged a bit.

"Sorry Cole, I was just hoping I'd get it all cleared up before you guys even, well, thought about it." Cole raised his eyebrows.

"About what?" Jay bit his lip, staring back over the side of the bridge.

"Well, it's a long story."

"I have time," Cole said stubbornly. Jay laughed.

"Okay, okay, I see how it is rockhead." he chuckled. "Before I tell you anything, I want you to know I wasn't going to jump. Okay?" that didn't comfort Cole very much.

"Okay," he said. Jay closed his eyes and leaned against the rope, Cole watched him warily. Then the blue ninja opened his eyes and looked up the sky. Then he told his story.

* * *

 _Jay didn't know what was wrong with him, but it was getting really hard to just be himself. It might have had something to do with the new team member they'd been surprised with on the day before his birthday. It might have something to do with how no one had remembered his birthday because of this. It might have something to do with a lot of things, but Jay was tired._

 _He was tired of being the funny guy, and he was tired of Kai immediately melding in with them and, in the process, teasing Jay incessantly about one thing or the other. Jay wanted to be alone, but that wasn't really an option anymore. Three was a crowd, but four? That was just crazy. The blue ninja stared at the golden weapon in his hands, biting his lip. He didn't even want to train, or build, or do anything. At all._

" _Ugh," Jay muttered, dropping the nunchucks down onto his bed. They clattered onto the floor, shooting out sparks. "AH!" Jay jumped back, surprised. "What the heck?"_

" _What are you doing?" Jay turned to see Kai staring at him incredulously. "Sensei told us to be careful with those."_

" _Oh yeah, nice of you to say," Jay said. "You almost lit the entire monastery on fire!" Kai frowned, and at first, Jay wondered what was wrong before he realized the hothead was pouting. Pouting? Really? Jay sighed and walked out, brushing past Kai in the hallway. Kai tripped him, chuckling. "Hey!"_

" _A ninja should always be vigilant, right?" Kai asked, smirking. Jay narrowed his eyes._

" _Yeah, but a ninja shouldn't attack a team member," he said, then got to his feet and brushed himself off. "Leave me alone, Kai."_

" _Ooh, someone's touchy." Kai laughed, walking into the bathroom. Jay closed his eyes for a moment, then took a deep breath and continued toward the living room. Maybe he could play video games to get this off his mind._

 _This guy had only been part of the team for a month and he was already getting Jay annoyed. Jay didn't get annoyed at people. He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't see Cole before he ran into him._

" _Whoa! You okay there, sparky?" Cole caught his arm, grinning a bit. "What's got you so distracted?"_

" _Uh-"_

" _Lemme guess." Cole grinned. "Nya."_

" _N-no!" Jay said, slightly surprised. Usually, Cole would be right, but not today. "No, I was-"_

" _Okay, okay." Cole raised his hands. "I see how it is. Zane was looking for you, I think he's in the kitchen." Jay nodded and headed there instead of the living room. Sure enough, the white ninja was sitting at the table, it looked like he was writing something._

" _Ah, Jay," he said, looking up with a smile. "You are sixteen, correct?" Jay shook his head._

" _No, I'm seventeen," he said, for the first time in his life. It was a month after his birthday, and he'd never mentioned his age in that time. "I turned seventeen like a month ago, remember?" Zane blinked._

" _I do not recall," he said. "But thank you." with that, he turned and continued filling out some kind of paperwork. Jay looked at him strangely before leaving. Zane was… weird. But he already knew that. Jay went to the living room now and put on a headset, then switched on the console. Instead of playing, however, he sat and stared blankly at the screen. It didn't seem fun anymore… it was just… work. Work that he used to enjoy, that is. Just like almost everything else._

* * *

"It wasn't really bad at the beginning." Jay continued. "But… it got worse." Cole just stared at him, not saying anything. How could he? He hadn't wanted to be right. "I was depressed, Cole, and I had no idea what to do about it."

* * *

 _Jay used to think he was the funny one. But lately, all he could come up with was cheesy and lame and no one ever laughed. He sucked. These thoughts swirled in his head as he sat at his desk, trying to think of something - anything - to write. He was trying to write a poem for Nya, and he usually loved it. But today, just like the last year or so, nothing was how it 'usually' was. He was tired, but falling asleep in the middle of the day would probably be a big no-no if he didn't want the others asking questions. The bounty hit turbulence and he gasped in surprise, almost having forgotten they were flying. That had been happening a lot, he was just zoning out all the time. At first, it was during meals or free time, but that morning he'd completely just stared as Kai kicked him in the chest and won the match. Kai wasn't going to let him live that down anytime soon, and Cole was convinced he'd been thinking of Nya. again._

 _It was a fairly good excuse that let Jay get away with plenty of stuff, being in love with Nya that is. After their first date turned into more of a ninja mission, however, Jay felt inadequate in that area as well. In every area, really. And now it seemed he also sucked at writing, which he never had before._

 _Jay sighed, putting down his pencil. He leaned his head on his chin, letting his eyes droop shut. Maybe just a little nap would help… right?_

" _JAY!" Jay jolted awake, nearly falling to the floor. Kai stood over him, smirking. "What are you doing?"_

" _I- I was…" Jay hurried to his feet and saw the clock. Instantly he knew he was in deep trouble. He'd slept for four hours. "...meditating."_

" _You were snoring," Kai said, smirking as he helped Jay up. "You fell asleep, dummy."_

" _I-" Jay was glad Kai didn't give him a chance to reply because he had no excuse. He was just so tired all the time, he really didn't know why._

" _You almost missed dinner, come on dude," Kai said, already leaving the room. Jay sighed and followed, even though the thought of food made him want to throw up. Where was that coming from? He loved it when Zane cooked, so why was he… not hungry? Jay took his seat, stifling a yawn._

" _He fell asleep," Kai informed the rest of them with a grin. Jay scowled._

" _Hey, I told you," he said, trying to think of something. "I was… meditating."_

" _Yeah, okay." Kai rolled his eyes. "He was snoring. Jay can fall asleep anywhere, I swear." Jay felt small, he tried to think of something to say but was currently at a loss of anything witty. So he went with his stereotype. The one that exhausted him._

" _Did I tell you guys about the time when…" he started to speak, smiling so wide his face hurt. It felt so weird to smile, and he wasn't sure why._

* * *

"I didn't want to tell anyone, because I knew there wasn't a reason for me to be," Jay said, looking slightly ashamed. Cole reached out and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Jay…"

"Just listen, Cole, I'm not done," Jay said with a grin. "There's still two years worth of story left, dude." Cole nodded but felt slightly upset. Three years, that means, that Jay had been hiding whatever this was. But he listened because Jay wanted him to.

* * *

 _Jay couldn't sleep. It was a strange swap, he thought as he walked to the bridge to get a cappuccino. But he was way too tired to sleep, he just… he just didn't understand anything. Jay idly stood by the computer screen and then frowned in curiosity. The internet had everything, right? Maybe it would have a solution to this problem. He set the cup down and woke up the computer, before typing in his question._

 _Jay's eyes widened in surprise when he saw just how many results there were for that. How many people felt like this…? He shook his head and selected one of the first links. It opened up into a chat room, where even at the late hour of one AM, there were people typing._

 _ **Haha, hello insomnia!**_ _One sent as Jay watched._

 _ **I'm not insomnia, I'm Ray.**_ _Came the reply. He glanced at their two icons. One was a picture of a cat, the other was a dark circle with one word inside it. He couldn't read it, but that was fine with him._

 _ **Hey wait, who's that?**_ _The cat person asked._

 _ **I'm not sure, they just popped up.**_ _Dark circle replied. Jay blinked, then clicked into the text box._

 _ **My name is Jay**_ _he sent, wondering what exactly the chat was meant for._

 _ **Hi Jay!**_ _Cat said_ _**I'm Juliah.**_

 _ **Ray**_ _. Dark said, well Jay should have realized that._

 _ **Hi,**_ _Jay sent, smiling a bit._ _ **What exactly is this chat for?**_ _May as well cut to the point, right?_

 _ **Well… you could only get here if you searched for depression**_ _. Juliah said, making Jay blink. Depression… it was strange to label his problem on a screen. It was almost out loud… but not._

 _ **Yeah… I did do that**_ _. He sent quickly._ _ **I'm just… not sure.**_

 _ **This chat is a support group, online.**_ _Ray explained._ _ **So people from all over Ninjago can connect and help each other out with their problems**_ _. Jay blinked. Help. from someone who couldn't' treat him like glass… because he wasn't there._

 _ **That's a cool idea. Wish I'd searched for this earlier**_ _. He sent._

 _ **So you have it, then.**_ _Juliah said. Jay stared at the screen, unsure of himself. Did he?_

 _ **Yeah, I do**_ _. He pressed send._

* * *

"You could have talked to us," Cole said softly, staring at the planks beneath them. "Jay, why didn't you just-"

"I said to stop interrupting!" Jay laughed, Cole frowned. "Come on dude, let's walk. I'm getting dizzy on this bridge."

"Alright," Cole said as they started away from the village. "Will you tell me more?"

"Of course," Jay said.

* * *

 _Jay gripped the ropes of the bridge, tears burning in his eyes. What was happening? He'd crossed the bridge hundreds of times, and never had the dark voices inside of him tried so hard to get him off of it. He… he wanted to jump. He wanted to jump, and not care that he didn't have his golden weapons anymore to change into a jet. He wanted… Jay closed his eyes. He wanted to die. he felt so worthless... and he was sick and tired of not being able to make himself feel better. Maybe it would be better to end it all, once and for all...? No._

" _Oh my gosh," Jay whispered to himself, letting go of the rope and stepping back. "I need help." he turned and ran off the bridge, all the way back toward the bounty. Just before he got there, however, Jay stopped running, he wasn't even walking anymore. He just stood, torn between going back to the bridge, or going to his room and falling asleep. He really wanted to just fall asleep right now… Jay closed his eyes and took one step toward the bounty. Then another._

 _Jay was tired, but a different way. He wanted to stop being depressed. He wanted to just be...him again. He could barely even remember who he was, and he wanted it to stop. But killing himself… he knew that wasn't the way to go._

" _Hi, Jay," Kai said from where he was training. "Have a nice walk?"_

" _Huh?" Jay blinked. "Oh, yeah. It was fine." a small warm feeling entered his heart. "Thanks, Kai." Kai frowned, looking at him, but Jay just walked down to the bedroom. He wasn't sure why, but that question had made everything seem so much better. Like maybe… Kai cared. Just a bit._

 _Jay wasn't going to tell the others what was wrong. But he did plan on getting through it. He lay on his bed, but instead of falling asleep he pulled out his phone and logged into the chat room._

 _ **I've made a decision**_ _he sent_ _ **,**_ _not even saying hello. After a moment, a reply popped up._

 _ **What decision?**_ _Ray asked._

 _ **Jay… don't do anything you'd regret.**_ _Carter, another person Jay had met on the chat typed in._ _ **think carefully about this.**_ _Jay smirked a bit, shaking his head._

 _ **Dude that's not what I meant**_ _. He clarified quickly._ _ **I meant I'm not going to take this anymore.**_

 _ **That still sounds bad, based on our previous conversations.**_ _Ray informed him._

 _ **I meant that I'm not going to let this get the better of me.**_ _Jay explained, feeling some kind of excitement grow in him. He was actually going to do it, he had to. He was going to beat this… hopefully._

 _ **Dude**_ _that's all Ray said._

 _ **No way… you can't do this alone Jay**_ _. Carter sent._ _ **I have a therapist and medication, and I still have problems.**_

 _ **Those aren't options for me**_ _Jay sent_

 _ **And why not?**_ _Ray asked._ _ **You're just the same as us, you deserve it all.**_

 _ **I mean…**_ _Jay paused, biting his lip._ _ **Can I tell you guys something you have to swear to keep secret?**_

 _ **That's the point of a support group Jay. we've been telling you for six months it is.**_ _Ray said. Jay could almost hear his sarcasm._

 _ **Okay**_ _he sent, then took a deep breath._ _ **I can't get help like you guys can because I'm a ninja, and it's not an option if I want to continue my work.**_ _They didn't reply for a long time, and Jay nearly had a panic attack. But then..._

 _ **You're Jay Walker, aren't you?**_ _Ray asked._ _ **The blue lightning guy.**_

 _ **Yeah.**_ _Jay sent, relieved._

 _ **Dude… you saved my life like two months ago!**_ _Ray sent, Jay's eyes widened. What?_

 _ **What do you mean?**_

 _ **Yeah, dude! There was like… some weird dark thing from that Lord Garmadon guy and you helped me and my sister evacuate the area, I literally talked to you face to face! Well, face to mask I guess.**_ _Jay stared at the screen of his phone, shocked. He remembered that, the fight with the Overlord. He remembered helping a kid his age and his little sister out of the way… but it had happened so fast._

 _ **You're joking.**_ _He typed._ _ **You were the guy with the basketball T-Shirt right?**_

 _ **You know it.**_ _Ray replied._

 _ **You're lying**_ _Jay stared at the message from Carter, not knowing what to do._ _ **That guy doesn't have depression, you just want us to like you.**_

 _ **What?**_ _Jay asked._ _ **I'm not… I'm not lying!**_

 _ **I've seen that guy on TV and in interviews and stuff. There's no way he has depression, you're lying. I know you are.**_ _Jay bit his lip and closed his eyes, trying not to cry. He hadn't cried for so long…_

 _ **Dude, seriously?**_ _Ray said._ _ **You've got to be kidding Carter, we know Jay. he told both of us about his fronts, why would you say something like that?**_

 _ **I still find it hard to believe that he's so good at acting, Ray. if he wants me to believe he's the blue ninja, he needs to prove it.**_ _Jay winced. He didn't want Carter to hate him, he wanted their support and help like he wanted everyone's support and help. But how was he supposed to prove it?_

 _ **What do you want me to do, Carter?**_ _He sent._

 _ **I don't know**_

 _ **Where do you live? I could meet up with you and prove it.**_ _Jay typed quickly._ _ **Both of you. What about Mega Monster Amusement park, do you live close enough to go there?**_ _Again, they took a few minutes to reply._

 _ **Okay**_ _, Carter sent._ _ **I'll meet you there tomorrow.**_

 _ **Me too.**_ _Ray said._ _**I wanted to meet you soon anyway Jay, and that sounds fun.**_

 _ **Okay**_ _Jay sent, sitting up worriedly._ _ **Noon?**_

 _ **Noon**_

* * *

"How come we didn't know about this?" Cole demanded, eyes wide. "When did you go to the mega monster amusement park?"

"I didn't, Cole," Jay said, voice strained. "Because that was right before Lloyd got captured, and everything was going wrong. After I missed that, and everything happened with Morro, I didn't go back on the chat." Cole didn't say anything. "I don't think they'd forgive me."

"Jay, I don't get it," Cole said, staring toward the horizon. "You keep talking about your… your depression like it's in the past. But if no one would help you…?" Jay didn't say anything for a moment, then he took a deep breath.

"They did, Cole. Just… not as fast as they could." Jay said with a small smile. Cole stared at him doubtfully. "Maybe I should just… sum up the ending?"

"No, Jay, tell me what happened." Cole insisted. Jay sighed.

"Okay…"

* * *

 _Jay cleaned off his desk. Half crumpled pieces of paper, poems to Nya, and drawings from boredom all went into the trash and he put the pencils back in the jar where they belonged. It was hard to focus and care enough to get it done, but once he did Jay felt a great sense of accomplishment. He sat at the now organized desk, chewing the eraser of once pencils._

 _Luckily, everyone knew he loved notebooks and didn't seem to care that he'd purchased one with a lock. Jay flipped open to the first page and hesitated. Did he know this would work? Could he be sure? After all, things you read online weren't always true. Despite that thought, he took a deep breath and labeled the top of the page._

 _Good Things_

 _It wasn't exactly what the article said, but Jay could do what he wanted. Jay smirked a bit at the thought, then wrote a number one on the line under the label. He hesitated, then wrote._

 _Nya_

 _That was true. Jay smiled a bit, shocked to find many different ideas of what to write next filling his mind. Before he knew it, he'd filled two pages with everything from any night Cole didn't cook dinner to the moments they'd survived a hard fight. The laughter they had when having fun. Individual names, and lists under the names as well about what exactly made them good for Jay. When Jay was finally out of things to write, he sat back with a small smile, putting down the now dull pencil. He was shocked to see it had been an hour but didn't really mind. It was free time, so he could do as he chose. He usually would have been sleeping but… he somehow felt less tired than before._

 _Another thing the article he'd read, after abandoning the chatroom, said to get as much exercise as possible. Jay had been avoiding the training area as much as possible lately, which probably wasn't a good idea if he wanted to get this fixed. The blue ninja stood, stretched, and closed and locked the notebook before going to the deck. Lloyd was there training._

" _Hey, can I join you?" Jay asked. Lloyd seemed surprised but immediately agreed._

 _That was a good day. The first good day in a really long time. Jay brushed his teeth that night, no longer dreading the next day. It was so weird, he just felt… happy._

 _The next day was much worse. Jay was so confused as to why he went to sleep happy and woke up exhausted, he nearly didn't get out of bed. Luckily, Cole shook him awake with an annoyed little grin._

" _Come on, blue boy," he said. "Breakfast, it's Zane's turn to cook."_

" _Oh good." Jay quipped. "For a moment I thought it was yours." Cole made a face, but Kai laughed from the bathroom mirror where he was brushing his hair into those spikes he always had._

" _Heyyyy!" Cole whined a bit, though he was smirking as well. "Come on, get up out of bed."_

" _And next time don't leave your diary out in the open," Kai suggested. "I fell into the desk and it hit Zane on the head last night." Jay just stared at him._

" _How?"_

" _On accident. Kai said with a grin that told Jay it was a little more than that. The book was on the foot of his bed now. Kai walked out and Jay looked at Cole._

" _Did that really happen?"_

" _No," Cole said, straight-faced. "Kai ran into the desk… then got mad and threw the book at Zane's head." Jay grinned, then couldn't help from laughing as he got out of bed. Cole seemed happy to hear him laugh, and Jay worried a bit if his mask had been slipping._

" _Just left out a couple details, then," he said, quickly getting dressed. "Let's go get some breakfast."_

* * *

"You aren't trying to tell me you got better, 'all on your own' are you?" Cole asked unhappily, folding his arms. "Because I don't believe you." Jay frowned.

"Cole… I'm not trying to tell you I got 'better'" he made air quotes. "At all. In fact, I was starting to worry it was getting worse again when you showed up." Cole frowned.

"Wait, what do you mean worse?" he demanded. "You said-"

"Can I just finish the story before new years?" Jay complained. Cole sighed.

"Fine."

* * *

 _Jay wasn't tired. He lay in bed, staring at the wall. Where was the gong? But… the clock read it wouldn't come for half an hour. Jay sat up, slightly confused, but then shrugged it off and went to the desk. If he had time, he may as well think of more good things. He picked up his pencil and spent the next half hour writing almost none stop. His hand cramped, but he kept at it. Instead of just waiting to think of something, Jay now tried his best to think of anything he was glad to have._

" _Ah, good morning Jay." Sensei Wu said as he entered, with the gong. Jay blinked, looking up. He smiled._

" _Good morning Sensei," he said, putting the pencil down and closing the book. Sensei whapped the gong a few times and the others groaned, but Jay only grinned louder and added the gong to his list of good things. He'd always loved that noise… when had he forgotten how much he did?_

" _Wake up, today is a big day!" Sensei said loudly, just like every other day. He walked out again as the others sat up, rubbing their eyes._

" _Jay, It's-" Cole stopped when he saw Jay, already awake and getting dressed. "Oh, you're up."_

" _Yeah." Jay nodded, walking to brush his hair. "And I'll be the first to breakfast if you guys don't hurry up." he felt impossibly light and cheerful. It was so weird. He'd been feeling better every day for a week now, but this was different. It was like the darkness in his soul was completely gone… which he was glad about._

" _Someone's in a good mood." Kai grouched, going toward the bathroom. "What's gotten into you Jay?"_

" _Can't a guy wake up happy?" Jay asked, smiling._

" _No," Kai replied, closing the door with a snap. Jay laughed._

" _Not with an attitude like that at least!" he called to his brother. Kai didn't care to reply._

 _Jay walked down to breakfast with Cole, talking incessantly about something or other. A new comic he'd read, the boss fight he'd played yesterday against Kai and won his favorite TV show. Cole was watching him the entire time, seeming slightly confused. Jay worried he'd annoyed the other ninja and slowly trailed off._

" _You alright?" Cole asked._

" _Yeah, I just realized I must be talking your ear off," Jay said. "You know how I get, when I start talking I talk forever and then I forget what I was even talking about in the first place and did I tell you about the time I got first place in a science fair when I was eight and I…"_

* * *

"That was like, two weeks ago," Cole said, halting in his steps. "This was all… recent?" Jay stopped as well, frowning.

"Cole, I started this story when Kai arrived. I've just been skipping through the years to important parts of this story," he explained. "The parts in between, well… I was just kinda numb then. But these parts mattered. They still do."

"Oh," Cole said, frowning slightly. "So what did you mean you thought it was getting worse?" Jay sighed, rubbing his arm.

"Cole… I've been feeling great for a few weeks now," he said. "No episodes, no thoughts… just me. And then I went to Jamonacai village." Cole frowned.

"And…?"

"It was the same bridge," Jay said softly, turning his head away. "And I couldn't help but stop and think about everything, and the next thing I knew I was thinking it might still be an option, and-"

"Jay, hold on!" Cole said in alarm, grabbing his friends arm. "It was never an option!"

"Well, I know that," Jay said, wringing his hands. "But I don't know why I still wondered. I guess I was just… off today. Maybe I let my guard down."

"Jay…" Cole sighed and shook his head. "You…"

"Talking to you has helped so much." Jay finally said, glancing up at the sky. It was well past noon. "I never wanted you guys to know because there was so much going on…" he shrugged. "Too late now, I guess."

"I'd never be too busy to help you out Jay," Cole said firmly. "And neither would the others, alright?"

"Yeah, alright," Jay said, smiling. "Thanks, Cole."

"No problem." the two ninjas started toward where the bounty was anchored, not really in a rush. After a little bit, Jay took a deep breath.

"Cole…" he hesitated. Cole looked at him. "I have a feeling this wasn't a one-time thing." Cole frowned.

"What?"

"If I'm not careful if I let myself start going back…" Jay shrugged helplessly. "I could have a repeat of the past three years. It could become one big cycle, and I'd get torn up inside it every time." Cole frowned, staring at his friend. "So, I wanted to ask if you'd help me with it."

"Okay…"

"If I start sleeping in again, or I start avoiding training, or if I start making really stupid jokes again…" Jay smirked. "I want you to make sure I'm okay. Don't give in until you know I'm telling the truth." Cole frowned.

"But, now that you know, can't you just…" he shook his head. "That won't work will it?"

"Nope." Jay sighed unhappily. "When I get like that… something makes me think you don't care enough. So I don't even try. But I need you to try." he stared at Cole firmly. "Will you promise?"

"Yeah," Cole said, meeting his best friends gaze. "I promise." Jay smiled.

"Thanks."

"But," Cole said, folding his arms. "You promised to help with a certain bike." Jay blinked, then started to laugh. Cole joined him a few moments in.

"I can't believe I forgot about your bike." Jay cackled in that laugh Cole only recently realized he'd missed. "Come on, there's still time."

"Alright, I'll race you," Cole said, forming his dragon. Jay grinned and did the same. "Ready…"

"GO!" Jay yelled before Cole was completely prepared.

"Hey!" Cole protested as his friend shot into the sky. He followed quickly. You'll pay for this, Jay Walker!"

"Not if you can't catch up!" Jay howled through the wind. Cole smiled and glanced over at his friend. Now that he knew, and it might be because he knew, Jay did seem lighter than ever before. Like his face radiated sunshine. Maybe this was the real Jay Walker. Cole had a feeling they'd still get along very well.

 **The End**

* * *

 _ **So yeah. The main idea of this fic is that you never really know what someone's going through, which I hope you could tell. But also that just because you may be in this 'alone' you can still do it, and you aren't alone. I also wanted to clarify that just because you aren't incapable of everyday life anymore, as I was some days, means that it's over. I'll have to watch my emotions for the rest of my life to make sure I don't get as low as I did, as mentioned by Jay at the end right there. I also wanted to clarify that unlike Jay, I did finally turn to my family once I started having suicidal thoughts and destructive tendencies, and I was not hurt online by anyone. I promise that was purely for Jay's story because everyone's story IS different.**_

 _ **Thank you guys for reading AND dealing with the Long Ans. I don't do this a lot. Please review, tell me your thoughts.**_

 _ **Until next time,**_

 _ **-Jelly**_


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